"The Quiltin' Bee" (20 Feb. 1890) A Character Sketch for Soprano, Contralto, Tenor & Base. Written by G. A. Murch. Music by Thomas Martin Towne, 1835-1912. [Cincinnati: The John Church Co., 74 West Fourth St., Plate No. 6531-11T] [At LoC: Call No. M1509.T74Q5] CHARACTERS. (Costumes will suggest themselves.) MRS. SHALLOW, Hostess (Alto.) HEZIKIAH SHALLOW, Her husband (Bass) REV. MR. LOVEGOOD, In love with Prudence, (Tenor) PRUDENCE PLUMP, Who likes the minister, but loves to tease him, (Soprano) HANNAH WASP, Age doubtful; given to gossip, MRS. SNAGGS, Who owns a goose. WIDOW HORNER, Who has a bran new dress, ANN MARIA SHALLOW, "My darter." Three or four other women of various ages. Stage setting: Parlor scene, chairs front, quilt on frames back. No. 1. I'M GOIN' TO HEV A QUILTIN BEE. Enter Mrs. Shallow, with duster; dusts and rearranges furniture, while she sings: 1. I'm goin' to hev a quilin' bee, I've gin the invitations To moren a dozen, old and young, O' neighbors and relations. There's Mrs. Snaggs the deekin's wife, That lives jest round the corner, And Prudence Plump, the young school marm, That boards with wider Horner. 2. The wider, too, I hed to ask I know she's fairly ichin' To show that bran new dress o' hern, But then she's good at stitchin' The minister is comin' tew To chat with Hezikiar, Tho' I suspect he's ruther sweet On darter Ann Mariar. 3. To tell the truth, he might do wuss, Mariar's mighty knowin'; If I dew say't, she's allers hed The very best that's goin'. She's stylish, tew, though folks dew say Her head tew high she's kerried This patch-work quilt here, I intend To gin her when she's married. 4. Law sakes! it's almost two o'clock; They'll be here in a minit; I hope they'll all go right to workl I'm anxious to begin it. That Hanner Wasp is allers sure To keep one's ears aringin'; They won't half sew, alist'nin tew Her buzzin and a stingin'. (Rap at door.) Mrs. Shallow throws duster and apron into an adjoining room, smooths down her hair with both hands, and opens door. Enter Prudence Plump, followed closely by Rev. Mr. Lovegood. Mrs. Shallow__Why, how de dew, walk right in. (Takes Mr. L's hat and says:) Take this chair, Mr. Lovegood. (Seats him at extreem left of stage.) Let me hev your shawl and bunnit, Prudence. So glad to see yew. Set right down here and rest while I take care of your things and call Ann Mariar. (Seats Prudence as far as possible from Mr. L. and then hurries out with wraps and is heard to call, "Ann Mariar! Ann Mariar! come right down. Prudence Plump and the minister's in the parlor." She then pokes her head in at the door glances anxiously from one to the other as she says:) Ann Mariar's dressin', but she'll be down in a minit. I know you'll excuse me while I look after the supper. (Both respond in the affirmative, and as soon as Mrs. S. is out of sight, they rise and move toward table in center of stage, on which are books, albums, etc. which they make a pretense of examining. During the song which follows, the old lady frequently pokes her head in a the door, displaying a good deal of uneasiness at the turn affairs are taking. No. 2. 1. (Prudence.) Quilting bees the men declare Tho' I think they're hardly fair, Are but plans to tell and hear Idle tales from far and near. You, perchance, will seek to strow Seed, that better fruit may grow. [DUET with overlapping voices] P. You of course will seek to strow Seed that better fruit may grow. L. I of course will seek to strow Seed that better fruit may grow. 2. (Lovegood.) Nay, in gossip I've no part I but seek to gain the heart. Love that makes the world akin Love, alone I seek to win. Surely, Prudence, you must know What the charm that lures me so. [DUET with overlapping voices] L. Surely Prudence you must know What the charm that lures me so. P. Nay, indeed, why should I know What the charm that lures you so. 3. (Prudence.) That our gossiping you'd mend I but clearly comprehend; What the luring charms can be I confess is mystery. Ah! I've guess'd it: you aspire To the charms of Ann Maria [DUET with overlapping voices] P. Ah! I've guessed it you aspire To the charms of Ann Maria. L. No, no, no, I don't aspire To the charms of Ann Maria. 4. (Lovegood.) Nay, in guessing, you have missed Name of charm I can't resist. Could I call that charmer mine, Prudence bids me still decline, Though her beauty trebled be, Prudence Plump, I love but thee [DUET with overlapping voices] L. Though her beauty trebbled be, Prudence Plump I love but thee. P. Though her beauty trebbled be, (_aside_) Oh! ... he loves but me. 5. (Both.) As through life our steps we wend, Prudence still our path attend. Loving good and shunning ill, Happiness our hearts shall fill. May our lives the years along Peaceful glide with love and song [DUET] May our lives the years along Peaceful glide with love and song. _Enter Ann Maria and Mrs. Shallow. Rap at door, enter the rest of women._ MRS. SHALLOW. "Walk right in ladies." HANNAH WASP. "Sakes alive! how tired I be!" MRS. SNAGGS. (eagerly) My old goose, she [_others raise voices and drown hers._) WIDOW HORNE. "Why, Prudence and the minister are here already. Wall I declare for't." MRS. SHALLOW. My darter, Ann Mariar-m-m-m. Other women, "M-m-m." (_All this time they are laying off their wraps greeting Prudence and the minister, etc. etc._) The ladies at once take place around the quilt, and go to work, Mrs. Snaggs again remarking_: "My old goose she" _but Hannah Wasp interrupts to say, amid breathless silence_: "Do you know, ladies, they do say that Randy Sparks, she that was Randy Grub, old Abe Grub's gal by his fust wife, ye know, and I've hearn tell how as she might a bin alive yit if the stingy old thing hadn't starved her to death -- thought's long's she'd married a Grub, she'd hev a plenty, I s'pose -- and sure enough, she did and too much, too, I reckon, of that kind. MRS. SHALLOW. Dew tell. ANN MARIA. Ye don't say so. WIDOW HORNER. Wa'll, I declare for't. MRS. SNAGGS. (_not musch interested in gossip, sees a chance to remark_:) "My old goose she" _when Mrs. Shallow interrupts with_: "That's what my darter, Ann Mariear, said. She -- _Here Hezikiah, who has quietly been an unobserved hearer sings_: No. 3. 1. (Hezikiah.) Ho, ho, hom a woman's tongue Gossip still will wag; In the centre firmly hung, Neither end may lag; Still will slander spread and grow Tongues are all atilt, Seeds of scandal here to sow, As you sew your quilt. 2. (Hezikiah.) Shallow wits will still be found While the wide worlds wags, Idle tales to carry round Gossip never flags If your foolish tongues were slit Better far 'twould be, Silencing your slandrous wit At your quilting bee. [_Ann Maria goes out to see to supper._] 3. (Mrs. Shallow.) Now Hezikiar jest you quit; A saint you would provoke; Because the women talk a bit You needn't go and croak, Too well I know the pumpkin pie You're allers glad to see, Sweetcake and tarts and pork and beans You get at quiltin'-bees. [_Ann Maria call supper-r-r-r!_] 4. (Hezikiah.) There, there, don't let us have a fuss, Though when you get together Why politics you might discuss Or talk about the weather, Come, we'll dissect your pumpkin pie While gossip we abolish, Instead of character we'll try You're victuals to demolish. (Mrs. Shallow.) The monster let's demolish, We'll gossip if we please, You men we will abolish From future quiltin' bees. (Hezikiah.) Your pies we will demolish, With pleasure and with ease, While gossip we abolish Our appetites appease. No. 4. [overlapping voices] (Prudence and Lovegood.) Peace, peace, peace, Bid anger flee away, Peace, peace, peace, Bid anger flee away, Bid anger flee away, Love and peace, Bid anger flee away ... peace, peace, Love and peace, love and peace, Love and peace Love and peace Yes, love and joy and peace. O 'tis love ... 'tis love and joy and peace. (Mrs. Shallow.) The monster let's demolish. We'll gossip if we please. You men we will aboilish From future quiltin' bees. We'll gossip if we please. We'll gossip if we please ... if we please. We'll gossip if we please. If we please. We'll gossip if we please. We'll gossip if we please. We'll gossip if we please. If we please. (Hezikiah.) Your pies we will demolish With pleasure and with ease While gossip we abolish Our appetites appease. Our appetites appease. Your pies we'll eat with ease, Yes, with ease ... yes, with ease ... we'll eat your pies with ease We'll eat your pies with ease We'll eat your pies with ease eat your pies with ease. [Repeat No. 4] [with overlapping voices] (Prudence and Lovegood.) 'Tis love and joy and peace. (Mrs. Shallow.) We'll gossip if we please. (Hezikiah.) We'll eat your pies with ease. ANN MARIA.__ Supper-r-r-r! _All file toward the dining room, while curtain falls slowly._ MRS. SHALLOW. (in the rear) "We'll gossip if we please!"