Concert Numbers for Costuming, No. 1 "The Pioneer Pedagogue" (31 Dec. 1889) Words by C. A. Murch Music by Thomas Martin Towne, 1835-1916 [Chicago: S. W. Straub & Co.] [Source: at LoC, Call No. M1509.T74P5] [Copyright registration no. 40812] CHARACTERS TEACHER (base) not too old, rather pompous. SARAH (alto) JACK (tenor) awkward and heedless. SARAH'S AUNT (soprano) All dressed in old fashioned costumes suited to their parts. TOMMY MARSH and five other pupils from twelve to sixteen years old. FURNITURE. Rough cracks and scats, bundle of switches, heavy ruler, old fashioned bell, quill pen, dinner pail full of apples and doughnuts. A-Verse 1 ========= (Teacher.) I am a country pedagogue, Brimfull of erudition, Of virtues I've a catalogue Quite fitting my position. To mend a pen, I am in truth Uncommonly proficient, To castigate a fractious youth I've energy sufficient, I've energy sufficient, I've energy sufficient, To castigate a fractious youth I've energy sufficient. A-Verse 2 ========= (Teacher.) By rule of three I demonstrate All queries problematic, And X, Y, Z, eliminate From quantities quadratic. Corroded minds I lubricate With oil from birch extracted, I teach the girls to congugate Till they're well nigh distracted, Till they're well nigh distracted, Till they're well nigh distracted, I teach the girls to congugate Till they're well nigh distracted. A-Verse 3 ========= (Teacher.) Choice poetry I sometimes write With airy flight chromatic, I spark the maids on Sunday night With passion quite ecstatic. But why my virtues here relate, You could not do without me, The bell I'll tintinnabulate And call my class about me, And call my class about me, And call my class about me, The bell I'll tintinnabulate And call my class about me. [He attempts to ring the bell but finds it stuffed with paper. He removes the paper and rings vigorously and his pupils enter an arrange themselves upon the seats provided for them on the back of stage. Sarah is chewing gum. Teacher paces the school room and sings fourth verse.] A-Verse 4 ========= (Teacher.) Now, Sarah Smith, do rest your jaw From grinding Tutti Fruti, Beneath your desk please stick your chaw And then attend to duty. Now let each earnest boy and maid Assume his proper station, [Class takes place in line facing the audience.] While Tommy Marsh spells serenade, With clear enunciation, With clear enunciation, With clear enunciation, While Tommy Marsh spells serenade, With clear enunciation. [Tommy spells in loud, confident tones S_a_sa r_a_h rah sarah n_e_i_g_h_e_d neighed, Saray neighed. Children laugh and then sing first line of fifth verse.] A-Verse 5 ========= (Children.) Te! he! he says that "Sarah neighed" (Sarah.) The stupid little monkey! (Teacher.) Well, Tommy Marsh, you might have brayed For clearly you're a donkey! [Children laugh.] But cease your loud unseemly mirth At Tommy's curious blunder, 'Tis passing strange he should unearth Such orthographic wonder, Such orthographic wonder, Such orthographic wonder, 'Tis passing strange he should unearth Such orthographic wonder. [As the teacher finishes, Jack comes clattering into the room, stubs his toe on door sill and falls sprawling on the floor, his dinner pail losing its contents, teacher grasps his rule, Jack regains his feet and almost out of breath sings "O dear mister teacher."] B-Verse ======= (Jack.) Oh, please mister teacher, I could not come faster, For I had to drive the old cow to the pasture, The chickens to feed and old Dobbin to curry And while I was climbing the fence in a hurry The knee of my trousers I caught on a nail, sir, And at the same time with the milk in the pail, sir, I fell over backward, the pail fell on top, My big brother call'd me a stupid milk sop And mammy she-- [Teacher breaks in and says "There Jack no more excuses take your book and stand in the corner with your face to the wall. The school can have a recess while I hear Sarah's grammar lesson.] C-Verse 1 ========= (Sarah.) This mood and this gender and number, This bothersome person and tense. Grammatical rubbish and lumber Are surely quite lacking in sense. My memory I have been racking To learn that absurb congugation. My head with this nonsense is cracking, I'm driven to sheer desperation. [While Sarah sings her aunt pokes her head in at the door and slyly watches. Jack also takes it in. When Sarah finishes her aunt sings while Sara and the teacher with heads together (she in her seat and he in a chair) remain unconcious of her presence.] D-Verse ======= (Aunt.) Deceitful little hussy, you, At last I have detected, This sort of thing will never do, The truth I've long suspected He keeps my neice here after school To teach her congugation, 'Tis plain he seeks, or I'm a fool, A conjugal relation. 'Tis plain he seeks, or I'm a fool, A conjugal relation. C-Verse 2 ========= (Teacher.) This raving, my lass is but folly, The lesson is easy you'll see Tho' the sky does appear rather squally 'Twill clear if you listen to me. First person singular number Is I love and you love and he. This surely your will not cumber If to _love_ you will only agree. C-Verse 3 ========= (Sarah.) Why that does seem easier Master, Pray say it again if you please. I think I can learn it much faster With such plain instructions as these. (Teacher.) Yes, repeat while our voices are blended And tenderly say I love you. (Sarah.) Oh, do you! how perfectly splended! Let's congugate all the tense through! E-DUET 1 ======== (Teacher & Sarah.) I love, you love, {he, she} loves, we love, E-DUET 2 ======== (Jack & Aunt.) They love, I heard them say! [overlapping voices] (Aunt.) This flirting you should be above; For this you'll dearly pay. (Jack.) O see, the Master is in love! 'Tis better than a play. E-DUET 3 ======== (Teacher & Sarah.) This prying you should be above The parson {he, I} will pay. E-DUET 4 -------- [overlapping voices] (Aunt.) The flirting you should be above, For this you'll dearly pay! For this you'll dearly pay! (Jack.) This jangling they should be above, 'Tis better than a play! ha, ha! 'Tis better than a play! [F-QUARTET] [overlapping voices] (Aunt.) For this, For this, For this you'll dearly pay, For this you'll dearly pay. This flirting you should be above For this you'll dearly pay. For this you'll dearly pay, For this you'll dearly pay. For this you'll dearly pay. For this you'll dearly pay, For this you'll dearly pay. For this you'll dearly pay. For this you'll dearly pay, For this you'll dearly pay... dearly pay. (Sarah.) This prying you should be above, The parson he will pay, The parson he will pay, This prying you should be above, The parson he will pay, The parson he will pay, The parson he will pay, The parson he will pay, The parson he will pay, The parson he will pay, The parson he will pay, The parson he will pay, The parson he will pay... yes, he will pay... he will pay,,, The parson he will pay. (Jack.) ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, 'Tis better than a play, ha, ha, 'Tis better than a play This jangling they should be above 'Tis better than a play 'Tis better than a play, ha, ha, 'Tis better than a play 'Tis better than a play, ha, ha, 'Tis better than a play 'Tis better than a play, ha, ha, 'Tis better than a play, ha, ha, 'Tis better than a play, ha, ha, ha, ha, yes, than a play ha, ha, than a play, ha, ha, 'Tis better than a play. (Teacher.) This prying you should be above, The parson I will pay, The parson I will pay, This prying you should be above, The parson I will pay, The parson I, The parson I will pay, The parson I, The parson I will pay, The parson I will pay, The parson I will pay, The parson I will pay, The parson I will pay, The parson I will pay, The parson I will pay, I will pay I will pay The parson I will pay.