"Photographic Courtship" (11 Sep. 1902)
Words by Amos R. Wells
Music by Thomas Martin Towne, 1835-1912

[The Filmore Bros. Company --
421 Elm St., Cincinnati
40 Bible House, New York;
Plate No. P.C.12]
[Copyright Registration No. 32834]

  Scene:  a simple farm sitting room.  A sofa in the corner
for Ma Green (alto) and easy chair for Pa Green (bass).  Two
other chairs, in the centre a table, whose chief ornament is a
large, colored photograph of Mehitable Green (soprano), the
daughter of the house.  Sammy Green is her little brother, and
Obadiah Clover (tenor) is the properous young farmer who comes
to court Mehitable.

_(Enter Sammy, ushering in Obadiah.)_
  OBADIAH:  _(fingering his hat)_ Tell Mehitable -um - ah - I
mean your sister-- tell your sister, please, Sammy, that Obadiah
- um- ah- I mean tell her that Mr. Clover would like to see her.
  SAMMY:  Pshaw! she's been prinking for you this last hour.
Say, mister, if you were to be my brother _(Obadiah drops his
hat)_ what would I call you?  Ma, she says I'd have to say Mr.
Clover.  Sis, she says I'd have to say Sir.  But I guess I'd let
it go at Obadiah.  Wouldn't that be the size of it, Obediah?
  OBADIAH:  Why, Sammy, dear Sammy, you could call me what you
liked.
  SAMMY:  Could?  Jolly!  Then I'd call you Softy!  _(Escapes
through the door.)_
  _(Left alone, Obadiah picks up his hat from the floor, and
sits down.  Evidently very serious.  Places his hat on the
table.  Arranges his necktie.  Transfers his hat to the middle
of the sofa.  Sees Mehitable's photograph.  Takes it up and
looks at it admiringly.  Shows it to the audience in ecstatic
pantomine.  Then sings.  While he is singing Sammy creeps in
and hides behind the Sofa.)_

================
Mehitable Green.
================

1.
Mehitable Green, Mehitable Green,
The loveliest lassie ever was seen,
I want for to weep, I want for to laugh,
When gazing upon you sweet photograph.
_(Does both.)_

REFRAIN
O Mehitable! Come and sit a spell,
Till a quarter after o-o-one,
Bring your sweetest look,
Let yourself be took --
Photographed by me, the so-o-on.

2.
O fortunate sun that looked on your face,
And kissed your pink cheek and caught your grimmace!
O, were I to see the sun, what oceans of bliss
To do just the same, and kiss you like this!
_(Kisses the photograph vigorously.)_

(REFRAIN)

3.
Yes, these are her eyes; yes, that is her nose;
Yes, there are her lips, and here are her clothes;
Ah, here is her chin; ah, here is her ear!
Mehitable Green! Mehitable dear!
_(Sighs heavily.)_

(REFRAIN)

4.
If I owned the world, I'd give up the half,
Or may be three-fourths, for this photograph;
I'd give my old mare, or two of my swine,
If I could but call this photograph mine.

(REFRAIN)

  SAMMY: _(coming out from behind the sofa.)_  Say, Mister!
you can have my photograph for only ten cents.  _(While
Obadiah is gazing at Sammy in dumb astonishment, enter
Mehitable, who makes a bashful to Obadiah.)_
  MEHITABLE:  Sammy, you clear out!  _(Sammy clears out.)_
O--good evening, Mr. Glover.
  OBADIAH:  G- g- good evening, Miss Mehitable- ah -um- I mean
Miss Green.  _(They take seats on the opposite's side of the
table.  Awkward silence.)_
  MEHITABLE:  I hope you are well tonight, Mr. Clover?
  OBADIAH:  Why, Mehit- I mean Miss Green- I hope- that is, I
think- I am happy to believe - yes.  _(Another silence.
Obadiah fidgets.)_
  MEHITABLE:  I've been doing some crocheting for Ma.  It's a
fascinator.  Real pretty, too.  Wouldn't you like to see it?
  OBADIAH:  Sartin.  Let me get it for you.  _(Starts up
briskly.)_
  MEHITABLE:  _(languidly)_ On the table.  _(It is right at her
elbow.  Obadiah pounces on it, and in his eagerness knocks of
the photograph of Mehitable.)_
  OBADIAH:  _(presenting the fascinator, which should be a very
bright one.)_  I've found it for you.  Here it is, th- this is
the re-e-el fascinator!
  MEHITABLE:  That!  why, that's only a piece of colored
pasteboard!
  OBADIAH:  _(dropping on his knees)_  Oh, Mehitable!  Can't I
get--won't you let--mayn't I have--the original?
  MEHITABLE:  Why, Obadiah, this is so slow--I mean this is so
sudden!  _(She lifts him up, and they come forward, hand in
hand, and sings:)_

=================================
We guess it won't be bad by half.
=================================

1.
[Mehitable and Obadiah.]
We guess it won't be bad by half
  If two ecstatic creatures
In one composite photograph
  Combine their separate features.

[Mehitable.]
We'll give no chance to Kodak Fate
[Mehitable and Obadiah.]
  To negative our blisses,
[Both.]
Two months with but a single plate
  And half a hundred kisses.

REFRAIN
[Mehitable.]
O camera with eager eye
[Obadiah.]
  And slyly winkin eyelid,
[Both.]
Do not divulge what {he, she} and I
  Thus frankly have confided.

2.
[Mehitable and Obadiah.]
A long exposure it has been,
  These five full years of sparkin'
{Her, His} image sure is printed in
  My heart with deepest markin'.

[Mehitable.]
No silly snapshot fools are we
[Obadiah.]
  To waste a film on nuthin'.
[Both.]
As life developes you will see
  Our lens has captured suthin.'

(REFRAIN)

3.
[Mehitable and Obadiah.]
No tin-type faded, out of date
  Shall be our marriage omen,
But carbon photos six by eight,
  With margins wide and open.

[Mehitable.]
A modern husband, modern wife,
[Obadiah.]
  We'll order spick-and-spandy,
[Both.]
A folding-pocket-Kodak life,
  With daylight catridge handy.

(REFRAIN)

  _(As they begin to sing, Sammy peeps in at the door, grins,
and goes after Ma Green.  Both peep in together, nodding and
smiling.  They go after Pa Green.  All three peep in, delighted.
At the close, the door shuts abruptly, and immediately afterward
Ma Green comes hustling in.)_
  MA GREEN:  Where's my yarn?  Mehitable, seen my yarn?  _(Hunts
for it, while Mehitable and Obadiah take seats awkwardly some
distances from each other.)_  O yes, here it is.  _(Seats
herself and, begins to knit.)_  Gettin, along nicely, Mr.
Clover?
  OBADIAH:  Tip-top, Mrs. Mrs. Green.  _(Enter Pa Green.)_
  PA GREEN:  Any one seen The Farmers Herald?  O yesl; here it
is.  _(Seats himself and begins to read.)_  _(Sammy comes in
with a big tumble at the door.  Picks himself up, abashed.
Looks around in astonishment at the solemn company.)_
  SAMMY:  Why, Obadiah, I though you had popped!
  _(Mehitable covers her face with her hands.  Obadiah goes up
to her, they join hands and present themselves to Ma and Pa
Geen, who look up in apparent amusement.  Then Pa Green rises
and sings pompously:)_

===================
Now first, Obadiah.
===================

1.
Now first, Obadiah, I'd like to enquire
Your worth and your fitness to marry my daughter.
  I'll test you and try you,
  Not meaning to guy you,
And see if you measure to what you had oughter.

REFRAIN
I'll show you a photgraph, picturing true
The husband ideal and what he should do;
And if it's a photograph, laddie, of you,
Why, then you may marry my daughter.

2.
Come, show me your muscle, and how you can tussle
With thicket and hard-pan and bowlder and stubble;
  And what do you weigh, sir?
  And can you pitch hay, sir,
And conquer a heifer that starts to make trouble?

(REFRAIN)

3.
And what is the fortin' on which you go courtin'?
And is it in acres or only on paper? 
  And say, are you able
  To clean out a stable
And make a good trade with an innocent neighbor?

(REFRAIN)

  OBADIAH answers _(with confidence)_:

================================
I've Forty Acres clear of Stone.
================================

1.
I've forty acres, clear of stone,
  And I want to marry your daughter.
I'm sound of muscle, nerve, and bone,
  And I want to marry your daughter.

I can plough all day without any stop,
I can lead the mowing till the others drop,
Then lead off at night in hte farmer's hop,
  And I want to marry your daughter.

_(Spoken.)_ Awfully.

REFRAIN
I want to marry your daughter;
Five years I've been here to court her;
I'll be just the husband I oughter
  If you'll let me call you Paw.

2.
I own a cow and twenty pigs,
  And I want to marry your daughter;
A big white mare and good rigs,
  And I want to marry your daughter.

I've a ten room house and a mortage too,
And a parlor set that is almost new,
And she can do what she likes to do,
  If you'll let me marry your daughter.

_(Spoken.)_ That is, sometimes she can.

(REFRAIN)

3.
There's just one question I would ask
  Before I marry your daughter:
Has she been trained for the house wife's task?
  Before I marry your daughter.

Can she bake good pie and bread that isn't dough?
Can milk, sweep, churn?  can she wash and sew?
Can she tend to chickens?  I should like to know
  Before I marry your daughter.

_(Spoken.)_ Now, honest.

REFRAIN
Before I marry your daughter,
Come tell me, were these things taught her?
I'd like to know and I oughter,
  Before I call you Paw.

  MA GREEN  _(pushing Pa Green aside as he starts to answer)_
sings:

==========
My Darter.
==========

1.
My darter, I'd have you to know, sir,
Can sweep and can wash and can sew, sir,
And bake bread that isn't half dough, sir,
  And get up a beautiful meal.
Her cake is the pride of the county,
Her pies are the picture of bounty,
Her doughnuts delicious brown be,
  And she's never down at the heel.

REFRAIN
A girl that is natty and neat
As any you're likely to meet
Entirely good-tempererd and sweet.
My darter, yes, that is my darter.

2.
She isn't a little old granny,
She's chipper and merry and canny,
She knows how to play the pianny,
  And sings like a lark in the choir.
She's trained in the housekeeper's art, sir,
She knows how to take her own part, sir,
Yet hers is the tenderest heart, sir,
  As ever a man can desire.

(REFRAIN)

_(Spoken)_  Though maybe I say it as shouldn't.

  MEHITABLE:  _(aside)_  Seems to me they're not asking about
the main things.  Now I might ask whether he is good and kind
and unselfish.  But what's the use?  I know he is, already.
Dear Obadiah!

=========================
When the Sun's last Rays.
=========================

_(Pa Green and Ma Green, Obadiah and Mehitable.)_

1.
When the sun's last rays have glimmered
  On the last terrestrial day,
When the last pale sky has shimmered
  And the heav'n are rolled away,

When the Album of the ages
  Has been gathered from the past,
What will fill those mystic pages
  With the pictures that will last?

CHORUS
I is love's unfading fancies,
  It is home's unsullied ray,
That delight the angel's glances
  And are photographed for aye.

  SAMMY:  Say, Maw, will we have ice-cream at the wedding?
_(Ma boxes his ears.)_

2.
All the scenes of pow'r and splendor,
  All the portraitures of pride,
Monarch's triumphs, King's surrender,
  Will be lightly laid aside.

All the shows of lordly riches,
  All the plumes that proudest be,
Are for time's last flooded ditches,
  And the sewer and the sea.

(CHORUS)

  SAMMY:  Say, Paw, will Obediah have to black your boots now,
instead of me?  _(Pa boxed his ears.)_

3.
Let us, then, while love is shining
  From a sweet unclouded sky,
Ere the sun is near declining,
  Paint the scenes that will not die.

Paint a home of cheer and duty
  For the eye of heaven to see,
And a life of love and beauty
  For the Lord's photography!

(CHORUS)