"The Total S'iety" (11 Dec 1840)
A Comic Song
[Words and Music by Henry Russell, 1812-1900]
Arranged for the PIANO FORTE,
and sung with great applause by
HENRY RUSSELL

Boston: Henry Prentiss, 33 Court St.
[Source: 099/065@Levy]

1. Come listen kind gentle folks all
To a man of respectable station
Whose lately been blest with a call
To lecture unto this whole nation
The subject I’ve chosen to night
I can broach with the greatest propriety
’Tis to get all my friends to unite
And join the teetotal society. 

2. Once I took a great deal of strong drink
Rum, Brandy, and all of that ere sir
But it now gives me pleasure to think
Alchohol I scarely can bear sir
Neither Wine, Beer or Cider for me
But I do some times take a moity
Of Brandy mixt into my tea
’Tis allowed by the total society.

3. Should you ask why my nose looks red
One gentleman there I see winking
Now to tell you the reason I dread
But it blushes to see so much drinking
Shoud your cheeks be as red as a rose
And you stick to the strickest sobriety
The colour will draw down in your nose
If you join the teetotal society.

4. In your limbs should you have any pain
Pour Rum on the part that is affected
Or Brandy internally for strains
For Rheumatism tis not rejected
You may always keep some in the house
Only use it with the strickest propriety
And keep it as strick as a mouse
’Tis allowed by the total society.

5. You’ve heard of the Hildeburg fight,
Of the Sheriff, the great men and small, Sirs
Whom the dutchman all put in a fright
Posse Commitatus, and all Sirs
But now they’ve concluded the fight
And gone home with the greatest sobriety
Both sides are determined to do right
They’re joined the total society.

6. One man I’d been lecturing hard
I felt that my breathing grew shorter
I found that some wag ’pon my word
Had put into one pitcher of Water
I felt very faint I declare
For you must know I’m the pink of sobriety
I was carried home in an arm chair
By some members of the total society.