"The Professor's Dilemma" (Originally Copyrighted 11 December 1894) A Recital in Song and Verse for 12 Ladies. by Frederic Woodman Root, 1846-1917 from "Musical Scenes and Plays for Public Entertainment Designed for Amateur and Professional Performers" ... PERSONS ... Miss A . . . . Contralto || Miss G . . . Mezzo Soprano Miss B . . . . Soprano || Miss H . . . Mezzo Soprano Miss C . . . Mezzo-Soprano || Miss I . . . Mezzo-Soprano Miss D . . . . Soprano || Miss J . . . Mezzo-Soprano Miss E . . . High Soprano || Miss K . . . . Soprano Miss F . . . . Contralto || Miss L . . . . Soprano and an Accompanist. The central musical idea of the piece is the celebrated "Serenade" by Gounod. Synopsis. ======== A company of amateur singers have had a somewhat peculiar experience in endeavoring to meet the requirements of a certain professor who wished to get up a concert. Being left in the lurch by the professor, who has taken himself out of town "till the matter blows over," the ladies honorably come forward and explain to the audience just how the thing happened. The musical interest of the piece culminates in the final combination of the six independent songs with the Gounod "Serenade." Directions for Performance. ========================== During the instrumental introduction the performers may come upon the stage formally or informally as is seen to to be best. If the stage is large enough, the ladies might enter by twos or threes as if discussing some question of common interest, and group themselves here and there upon the stage for an instant (always appearing to be in earnest conversation) before coming into line at the front. When the speaking begins the performers should be standing or sitting or grouped together at the front of the stage in some symmetrical manner; generally it will be best for them to stand in a line which is nearly or quite straight. The order in which they stand is immaterial except as to appearance; they may be graded as to size, the tallest in the middle. However, Misses G, H, I, J, K and L, at one time sing together with the same melody, it may be thought best to place them together. Any evening costume may be worn, with such attention to harmony and general effect as the ladies see fit to bestow. When one sings a solo she should stand a little forward in her place. The piano accompaniment should be behind the singers in the center. When the songs are sung as solos judicious liberties with the time may be taken for purposes of expression; but they must also be learned with great precision as to rhythm in order to avoid confusion when all are sung together. Especial care must be taken to give to the rests at the begining and elsewhere there exact value. The culmination of the piece when the seven melodies are sung together should be diligently practiced, every singer beating time and the accompanist counting aloud. The count is _one_, _two_; and the beat is _down_, _up_. Of course, everything is to be committed to memory. General Directions. ================== The performers should strive to maintain interest of their parts throughout; and each should appear to be as interested while others are speaking as while taking part herself. Those who for moments are not taking part should not seem to forget the assumed character but should help by face and manner the effect of what another is saying. An effort should be made to speak very loudly and distinctly in the speaking parts. Amateurs must seem to themselves to exaggerate in this particular. The face should be kept toward the audience as much as possible even when the one spoken to is behind or beside the speaker. Each performer should learn her part by herself, and should take care to learn the cues as well as the speeches and the music which she must utter,--i.e. learn what precedes as well as the thing itself. As a rule let speech and song follow each other glibly--without awkward waits. Of course if the performers' efforts are rewarded with laughter or applause it is well to wait a little so that the speech following may not be lost. Amateurs can never safely trust to the inspirations of public performance for each action as they assume in the expression of their roles; all that must carefully be rehearsed. After a piece is learned by all the performers so that it can be recited without book it should be rehearsed from six to ten times more to give it effect. [No. 1. Introduction] [Moderato] (Let the grouping for the performance be completed as the introduction is finished, and let the speaking begin at once.) Miss A. Professor, if so be that he has a mind, Knows very well how to be gracious and kind. Miss H. However,--perhaps it is best to be frank, He, most of the time, is a sort of a crank! Miss J. But then, he was certainly very polite When he asked us to sing at the concert to-night. Miss K. On such an occassion to be prima donna, We saw at a glance was indeed quite an honor. Miss C. Responding at once to the flattering request, We said we would come here and warble our best; Miss G. However we said it without due reglection, For soon we found more than one weighty objection. Miss I. The matter of costume we studied with care, And found that we really had nothing to wear! Miss D. And yet that was not the most serious thing, For then we discovered we'd nothing to sing! Miss B. Not willing your ears or your eyes to distress With songs badly rendered, or last season's dress,-- "Professor," we said, "you were lovely to choose us, But now, after all, you will have to excuse us." Miss L. "Why! what does it mean?" said he, turning quite pale, "You know without you the performance will fail"! Then he tore out his hair, and he stamped on the floor, And, really, I thought that he actually swore! Miss E. Our efforts to pacify him were in vain, He only went off in his tantrums again; Miss K. He said we were feather heads governed by whimsey, Miss A. And called us no better than Flora McFlimsey. Miss F. At last we attempted to compomise matters By saying we'd come if we came here in tatters; We'd manage the dress; the thing that was wrong Was being without an appropriate song. Miss D. Then he said with a sneer "that's a flimsey excuse," Miss C. And he looked too sarcastic for any good use. Miss G. He said "If you'll go to the dealer's, I guess You can find there a million songs more or less; Miss I. Songs by Shubert and Mendelssohn, Gluck and Pucini, Miss A. By Haydn and Mozart, by Bach and Bellini, Miss B. By Tom, Dick and Harry, by Smith, Jones and Brown, And every one else from old Porpora down. Miss H. If you are not too awfully lazy to search You will find there are songs for the parlor, the church, The opera, the concert hall, school house and college,-- In short, for haunts of amusement and knowledge. Miss E. There are songs for the old, there are songs for the young, Songs modern and songs that your grandmothers sung. Miss J. With sentiments frigid and sentiments torrid, Miss C. With melodies sombre and melodies florid, Adapted to mourners and those that rejoice, Miss B. To suit every possible compass of voice. Miss L. There are songs of the flowers, the birds and the breeze, The mountains, the valleys, the rivers, the seas; Miss J. And then, as to love ditties--Great Caesar's ghost! Of them there is simply a numberless host." Miss K. We know not how long he'd have run on this way, If we had not managed his lingo to stay. Miss E. But there we broke in: "What you say is all true; We know very well that good songs are not few; The trouble is not insufficient supply; Almost all that are published we manage to try, And some of the number are really quite good, But we can't sing them well enough, would that we could!" Miss I. Quite mollified then he rejoined, "that's not true; For very few singers are equal to you!" Miss A. And then he began to cajole and to flatter, And made us believe that we were equal to Patta. (The way of pronoucing please pardon this time, We have to say "Patta" in order to rhyme.) Miss G. You know who she is: she consents to appear In a "last farewell tour" at least once a year. Miss B. "Now" said the professor, "we'll settle this thing; Next Saturday morning I'll hear you all sing. Go home and remember that no singer fails Who daily, with diligence, practices scales; Miss F. Who strengthens the diaphram, loosens the larynx, Miss L. Open the mouth and enlarges the pharynx, Miss C. Who masters Cantabile*, learns Martellato, Miss G. Legato, Staccato, Marcato, Rubato, Miss J. Forzando, Parlando and Coloratura, Miss D. Cadenza, Grupetto, Appoggiatura, Miss K. Producing each tone in the top of the head, Miss H. And making all hear every word that is said." Miss I. "O thank you", we said. And we hurried away, Returning again on the specified day. Miss A. Before very long the professor came in; He greeted us briefly and said "let's begin." Then over the keyboard his fingers ran; I stood up beside him and thus I began: *Pronounce these words with great exactitude giving to each a, the perfect sound of ah. Accent strongly the accented syllables. Cahn-_tah_-bee-leh, Mar-tell-_lah_-toh, Leh-_gah_-toh, Stah-_kah_-toh, Mar-_kah_-tah, Roo-_bah_toh, Fort-_zahn_-doh, Par-_lahn_doh, Co-lor-rah-_too_-rah, Groo-_pet_-toh, Ap-podge-e-ah-_too_-rah. ----[]---- [No. 2. Andantino.] [Miss A.] O sing to me when morning ushers in the day, O let thy cheering tones upon my senses play, When thou doest sing I can but wish the song might last alway. In mem'ry when 'tis o'er its echoes stay; O sing, sing on. O sing to me when morning ushers in the day. O let thy cheering tones upon my senses play, ah... O're my senses thy tones shall play.... Miss A. He seemed but ill pleased with both music and text, Tho' he said very little, just "Who is the next?" Miss B. Like one who in sloughs of despondency wallows, I dragged myself forward, and help forth as follows: [No. 3.] [Miss B.] Thy smile is so bright I seem to feel Its beams in my inmost heart, It comforts and cheers, It drives away tears, And rapture sweet... does impart. Withing my heart... thy smile Can never care,... all care beguile. Thy smile is so bright I seem to feel Its beams in my inmost heart It comforts and cheers It drives away tears, And rapture sweet it does impart, Rapture sweet,... it doed impart.... Miss B. I saw that displeasure o'ershadowed his brow, Yet nothing was said but "Whose turn is in now?" Miss C. It was mine; and I wished to be through with it soon, So I started at once on the following tune: [No. 4.] [Miss C.] When thou dost lie in slumber deep ... I come silently, lovingly O're thee my watch to keep, Sleep calmly on for I am waiting near, May angel songs fall on thine ear, Ah ... ah ... ah ... ... When thou art in slumber deep ... I come silently, lovingly, O're thee my watch, my watch to keep, Watch o'er thee I will keep, will keep .... Miss C. He sniffed most contemptously at my song, Then said to the next victim "Hurry along!" Miss D. Tho' fearing he'd make a most terrible fuss, I went to the piano and vocalised thus: [No. 5. Moderato.] [Miss D.] Thy song enchants mine ear, When evening bells are ringing, At morning what delight is in thy gladsome singing, Akin to birds and flow'rs Thou art... in thy song And gladly echo strives thy notes... to prolong.... Thy song enchants mine ear, When evening bells are ringing, At morn... how gladsome thy sing...ing, O... sweet thy song, Yes, enchanting thy song, Thy song .... Miss D. He growled so, I did not know what he might do, And he hissed through his teeth, "Come, now, let us get through!" Miss A. It wasn't our fault--all these failures; because We had told him most candidly just how it was; We said if he made us appear he would rue it, So now when he fretted, we just let him do it! Miss E. The girls pushed me on or I could not have done it; I tremblingly brought out my song and begun it. [No. 6. Leggiero.] [Miss E.] Smile on me, Let me see, Ever the love lights beaming, Bright as day, Be alway, Dear one, thy smile for me. Ah ... Ever like sunshine seeming, Radiant one, Thou mine own, Ah! live I only in thee, Ah... ah ... ah ... live I but in thee, I live in thee! Smile on me, Let me see, Ever the love lights beaming, Ah be alway, Dear one, thy smile for me, alway Bright as day, alway Bright as day, Alway, alway Ah ... ah ......al way .... Miss E. He rose from the piano and glared all around, And out of his throat came an ominous sound; In tones very like both a shriek and a roar, He demanded of us "Are there still any more"? Miss F. You'll grant the conditions were rather adverse; To sing or refuse I new not which was worse. Tho' I thought I should die, or, at least have a fit, I managed to strike up as follows, to wit: [No. 7. Moderato. Miss F.] By-lo, By-lo, By-lo. O sleep my darling, let thy weary eyelids close. By-lo, .... Yes, sleep quite soundly, do not merely [(The peace may stop here.)] doze. By-lo, By, O sleep my darling, Let thy weary eyelids gently close,... gently close,... do not doze. Let thine eyelids no close, now close.... [When sung as a solo, the song stops either here []or at the end of the 19th measure as is prefered.] Miss F. You'd better believe that is all that I sang, For there he came down on the keys with a bang. He whirled around saying, "O stop, I implore you! Great Jupiter tonans! There's poetry for you! [_Imitating a contemptuous sing-song._] 'Sleep--my--dar--ling Let your eyelids close; Sleep--quite--sound--ly, Do not merely doze!'" Miss H. Then the look on his face become something terrific, And he gave his opinion in terms quite specific; Miss L. "Of this sort of thing I have heard quite enough; Pray where have you picked up such drivelling stuff? [(_Here will be sung the Serenade by Gounod as given on page 23 and seg. This time the only part next above the accompaniment is sung, the rest of the score being omitted. The melody is to be sung as indicated by the letters. Miss G. sings, alone, the first five measures of the melody; Miss H. follows singing the next five alone, and so on. If they can be neatly executed, the running passages in small notes may be sung, vowel ah, by Miss K; or they may be omitted, or played as a part of the accompaniment. The accompaniment this time should begin with the second measure._)] Miss H. "Now," said the professor, "that song is all right, And you shall appear at the concert that night, Miss C. But as for these others so lacking in sense, I think with their services we can dispense. Miss K. Such music as theirs is should always be private; If they will go home we will try to survive it." Miss G. Indignant we grew at this impolite speech, And resolved that a lesson to him we would teach. Miss L. We found on the subject we all felt alike, So we organized something resembling a strike. Miss A. "Professor" we said; "you had urged us to sing, Miss I. And now you are doing a very rude thing; Miss J. Outrageous the treatment you're giving to some, Now if _all_ do not sing we will _none_ of us come." Miss E. He seemed to resolve some idea in his head; Miss F. At last it came: "I have it," he said; "I suppose I must have you all, since you demand it, If you sing one by one the folks never can stand it. Miss H. Perhaps a way out of this fix may be found, I'll try you en masse to see how it will sound. Just sing all at once; each may sing the same song That she came to rehearse; it won't last very long." Miss B. We took the Professor right then at his word, And repeated the songs which but now you have heard, And singing together, not caring a jot Whether what we were doing was music or not. [(_Here will be sung the full score which follows. Misses A, B, C, D, E and F, have exactly the same melodies which they have previously sung. Misses G, H, I, J, K and L sing the serenade in unison throughout. Miss K sings the runs in small notes, and when these are done, joins in the melody with the others. Great care must be taken to learn the exact time so that the "coming in" may be prompt and correct, and so that one may not be "put out" by the sound of the other parts. The piano plays one measure before the rhythm of the voice part begins._)] [PAGE 23 [[-- the words for the other parts A-F are above]]] [No. 8] [(Serenade.) [Miss G.] Oft thou singest a song at eve, mumuring low.... [Miss H.] By-lo, like an angel, in slumber thou dost go.... [Miss I.] How I gaze on thy beauty enraptur'd, and, silent adore! [Miss J.] Ah... Then sing and smile and slumber, [Miss K.] My fair one, ever more; [Miss. L.] Then sing... and smile and slumber forevermore! [Miss G.] Forever, [Miss H.] forever, [Miss I.] Yes, sing,... [Miss J.] smile,... [Miss K.] slum-ber [Miss L.] ev-er more! Miss L. Professor looked on with a petrified stare, Miss C. He groaned, and he sighed, and he rumpled his hair; Miss E. For other performers he could not arrange, Miss J. His programs were out: there was no time to change. Miss D. And what should be done was not perfectly clear, For bad as we were, we were bound to appear. Miss K. At last he exclaimed "There's but one thing to do! I leave expanations &c., to you; But I must get out of this some how or other; Yes, I shall leave town till the matter blows over." Miss F. Now ladies and gentlemen, off he has gone, Miss G. And left you this bevy of maidens forlorn, All. Who have come here this evening, for that was but right, To make their excuses, and wish you--Good night. [ _The last words are to be spoken deliberately so as to keep with the piano which begins at the words "Who have come here this evening". Make a slight pause after "and wish you", then sing "Good nigh" as indicated,_)] [All.] Good night....