"Scandal on the Brain." (1865)
Words by Mrs. Mary Ann Kidder
Music By Mrs. Effie A. Parkhurst, 1836-1918
[aka Mrs. Druer]

New York: Horace Waters, 481 Broadway
Plate Number: 1111
[Source: 053/051@Levy]

  "They say!" Who are they? who are the cowled masks, the 
hooded liars, who glide with shrouded ? in the 
pronunciation of life, muttering in an unknowln tongue, 
words of mysterious import? Who are they? the midnight 
communion of copulation, who lurk in the by-lanes of society, 
with dagger-tongues sharpened by ? and ? by malice, to draw 
blood of innocence, and hyena like, banquet on the dead. Who 
are they? They are a multitude no man can number; black-eyed 
familiars of the inquisition of slander, searching for victims 
in every city, town, and village, wherever the heart of 
humanity ? or the ashes of mortality did rest.
  Oh, onward, onward world-scoffers! gve us the bold ? who 
thunders along the highways with flashing weapon that cuts the 
sunbeams as well as the shades. Give us the pirate, who ? the 
black flag, emblem of his terrible trade, and shows the ? which 
your doomed feet ? trod; but save us from the ? ? of society, 
whose knives are hidden in velvet ?, whose bridge of death is 
waves of flowers, and who spread, with invisible ?, even the 
spotless wilderness of the winding sleet.-- T. G.Trate.

1. Of all the many maladies, 
And many human ills; 
That rack the frame and fire the blood, 
In spite of drugs and pills; 
The one that takes the deepest root, 
And gives the greatest pain; 
And makes the patient venemous, 
In "Scandal on the Brain."

CHORUS [sung after each verse]
Fighting, biting, trying, prying, 
Seeking spot and stain, 
These are sure and rabid signs, 
O!, scandal on the brain.

2. There's Miss FitzPey, the dear good soul; 
She never thinks of self; 
But keeps a record of her friends, 
Quite happy on the shelf; 
And when she's nothing else to do, 
She takes the volume down, 
And enters all the scraps and bits 
Of gossip round the town.

3. Some people dress and go to church,
With faces long and prim;
And meekly say their morning prayers,
And sing the Sunday hymn!
But just as soon as church is out
Some shady nook they gain,
To ? their minds, and treat their friends,
To "Scandal on the Brain."

4. Says Beam to Mote, oh, have you heard
The strange and shocking news,
How Mr. Miff, and Mrs. Miff,
Have taken seperate pews!
And how the artful Patience Gale
Was seen- now don't you tell;
Out walking with a married man,
I know him very well.

5. And then there's so much horrid talk,
About that Nancy Boggs,
They say she really went to ride
With Ebenezer Boggs;
And when the young man started off,
To leave the forward Miss;
The neighbors heard a faint report;
It must have been a kiss!!!

6. Now don't you think last Monday night,
When I went out to walk;
I met Ned Huntley's wife, and we,
Had such a splendid talk!
She told me all about the fair,
And I told her, you see,
The awful case about the Flints,
That lived at Number 3.

7. And thus you'll find, wher'er you go,
That some will talk and pry;
And seek to have a finger in
Some other body's pie!
But never mind they're sure to feel,
Themselves the sharpest pain;
When suffering with the dread disease,
Of "Scandal on the Brain."

SYMPTONS.
Now when you see a person nod,
And wink, and whisper sly,
About what "they say," mighty "they"
And end it with a sigh!
Just set that man or woman down
As rabid; for 'tis plain,
They've got the most malignant type,
Of "Scandal on the Brain!"