"How 'Ya Gonna Keep 'Em Down on the Farm?" (1919)
(After They've Seen Paree)
Words by Sam M. Lewis, 1885-1959
and Joe Young, 1889-1939
Music by Walter Donaldson, 1891-1947

1.
“Reuben, Reuben, I’ve been thinking,”
Said his wifey dear;
“Now that all is peaceful and calm,
The boys will soon be back on the farm;”
Mister Reuben, started wink-ing,
And slowly rubbed his chin;
He pulled his chair up close to mother,
And he asked her with a grin:

CHORUS [sung twice after each verse]
How ’ya gonna keep ’em, down on the farm,
After they’ve seen Pa-ree?
How ’ya gonna keep ’em away from Broad-way;
Jazzin’ a-’round’,
And paintin’ the town?
How ’ya gonna keep ’em away from harm?
That’s a mistery;
They’ll never want to see a rake or plow,
And who the deuce can parleyvous a cow?
How ’ya gonna keep ’em down on the farm,
After they’ve seen Paree?

2.
“Reuben, Reuben, You’re mistaken,”
Said his wifey dear;
“Once a farmer, always a jay,
And farmers always stick to the hay;”
“Mother Reuben, I’m not fakin’,
Tho’ you may think it strange;
But wine and women play the mischief,
With a boy who’s loose with change:”