"You'll Miss Lots of Fun When You're Married" (1890)
Words by Edward M. Taber
Music by John Philip Sousa, 1854-1932

1.
Matrimonial life is productive of bliss,
  As any sane man will admit.
And he who don't seek it is surely remiss,
  And has neither wisdom nor wit.
For when a man's single, he'll find life is bleak.
  A desert that's barren and arid,
And I would advise him a partner to seek
  [Spoken: Still]
You'll miss lots of fun when you're married.

2.
Now what could be sweeter and better in life
  Than avoiding its weary turmoil,
And be welcomed at home by your own little wife,
  When you've finished your diurnal toil.
Of course you must give up you bachelor ways.
  And the style that you always have carried,
And think with remorse on  your old reckless ways.
  [Spoken: Nevertheless]
You'll miss lots of fun when you're married.

3.
O why should a man seek to fresco the town,
  Or stay out all night and play draw,
When he at his home might sit peacefully down,
  And converse with his mother-in-law.
For love and contentment are better by far
 Than a conscience by wickedness harried,
And unhappy, therefore, all bachelors are,
  [Spoken: Notwithstanding which, however,]
You'll miss lots of fun when you're married.

4.
Now please do not think for a moment, my friends,
  This is a satirical song,
Of that in its sentiments anything tends
  To views that are worldly or wrong.
For when you are wed you so happy will be
  You will wish you had not so long tarried,
And then, I suppose you will villify me,
  [Spoken: But, all the same,]
You'll miss lots of fun when you're married.