"Evolution or The Darwinian Theory" (1885)
An Anthropological Rhyme
Words and Music by Fred. Lyster

Published by W. F. Shaw
[Source: 054/035@Levy]

1.
You’ve all heard of Evolution,
As the latest new solution,
Of the myst’ry that wraps nature in a fog.
How the animal called “Man”
In prehistoric times began
His chequered chain of being in a bog.
At first a simple cell,
Then a worm, and then a Shell
Fish, like an oyster, then a slipp’ry Polly wog,
Then a Lizard, then a Bat,
And then something twixt a Cat,
And a Monkey, with a sprinkling of the Frog.

2.
Then  he come down from the trees
Wash’d his face, and stood at ease,
On his hind legs, no on all fours like a Hog.
And then he shed his tail
And began to brew small ale,
Cook his food, not eat it raw like any dog.
Then he took to wearing hats,
Coats, and waist coasts and cravats;
Smok’d cigars, and drank a liquor he call’d grog.
And so, his education
Being complete, his occupation
In the future, was to find himself in prog.

3.
To take care of number one
Was the problem to be done
As along the road of life he had to jog.
So this animal called “Man”
On the Evoution plan
Counts his cousins up by dozens in his Log.
To prove a man’s a lyin’ (Lion)
Does’nt take a deal of tryin’
If down among the law courts you will jog
And at any public dinner,
You may see, or I’m a sinner
How a man can turn himself into a hog.

4.
A dude is just the shape,
That nature gives the ape,
If his tail into a cane you will transmog—
Rify and  then his vest
On his nar row, narrow chest
Like a monkey who is travelling incog
See on Fifth Avenue
Of an afternoon on view,
Pretty ducks, each with her little puppy dog
And in congress man’s a rat
And you’ve oft seen an old cat
Teaching Sunday School and little shavers flog.

5.
’Tis not only as a dish
You may see a captive Fish,
For in Auburn one is chained unto a log
And in London, no one fails
To behold the Prince of W(h)ales
As he rolls down Piccadilly with his jog
So I have proved I think
That we’ve found the missing link
And  to creation’s scale there is no clog
For the theory Darwinian
In my humble poor opinion
Is the only one to clear away the fog.