"I am the very model of a modern Major-General" (30 Dec 1879)
Words by William Schwenck Gilbert (1836-1911)
Music by Sir Arthur Seymour Sullivan (1842-1900)

[Source: from Act I of the operetta "The Pirates of Penzance; or, The Slave of Duty;
facsimile copy, pages 63-69, from "The Authentic Gilbert & Sullivan Songbook"
(New York: Dover Publications, 1977)]

1. I am the very model of a modern Major-Genneral;
I’ve information vegetable, animal and mineral;
I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical,
From Marathon to Waterloo, to order categorical.
I’m very well acquainted, too, with matters  mathematical;
I understand equations,  both the simple and quadratical;
About binomial Theorem I’m teeming with a lot o’ news,
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse;

CHORUS
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse,
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse,
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypoten-potenuse.

I’m very good at integral and differential calculus;
I know the scientific names of beings animalculous.
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern Major-General.

CHORUS
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral;
He is the very model of a modern Major-General!

2. I know my mythic history, King Arthur’s and Sir Carodoc’s,
I answer hard acrostics, I’ve a pretty taste for Paradox;
I quote, in Elegiacs, all the crimes of Heliogabalus!
In conics I can floor peculiarities parabolous.
I can tell undoubted Raphaels from Gerard Dows and Zoffanies.
I know the croaking chorus from the Frogs of Aristophanes!
Then I can hum a fugue, of which I’ve heard the music’s din afore,
And whistle all the airs from that inferal nonsense, _Pinafore_!

CHORUS
And whistle all the airs from that inferal nonsense, Pinafore!
And whistle all the airs from that inferal nonsense, Pinafore!
And whistle all the airs from that inferal nonsense, Pinafore!

Then I can write a washing bill in Babolonic cuneiform,
And tell you ev’ry detail of Caractacus‘s uniform.
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern Major-General.

CHORUS
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
He is the very model of a modern Major-General.

3. In fact, when I know what is meant by “mamelon” and “ravelin;”
When I can tell at night a Mauser rifle from a javelin;
When such affairs as sorties and surprises I’m more wary at;
And when I know precisely what is meant by commissariat;
When I have learnt what progress has been made in modern gunnery;
When I know more of tactics than a novice in a nunnery;
In short, when I’ve a smattering of elemental strategy—
You’ll say a better MajorGeneral has never _satagee_;

CHORUS
You’ll say a better MajorGeneral has never _satagee_,
You’ll say a better MajorGeneral has never _satagee_,
You’ll say a better MajorGeneral has never _sata_, _satagee_.

For my military knowledge, tho’ I’m plucky and adventury,
Has only been brought down to the beginning of the century,
But still, in matters vegetable, animal and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern Major-General.

CHORUS
But still, in matters vegetable, animal and mineral,
He is the very model of a modern Major-General.